so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
No more Irish car bombs ever.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
