No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
