it hurts more in the daytime
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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