im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
