Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
