the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize