Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
