I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
