I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
When did angry sex become our thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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