they need to just BURY HIM!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He passed out mid-signature
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
