they need to just BURY HIM!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
