just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize