It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
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my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
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my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My penis needs a shock collar
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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