please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
