I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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