We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
