They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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