YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
