Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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