The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
