Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
