I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
