Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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