You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
