So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
