I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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