Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
