At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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