dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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