So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
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I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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