I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
