You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
