Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
