she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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