I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
