I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
is wine microwaveable?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
