So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
thus making me awesome and them whores
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
