Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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