i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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