dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
