You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
