Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
