once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
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You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
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Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
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