I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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