you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
