So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
