clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
