Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
