I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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