Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
