He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
