I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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