Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
