YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Congratulations! We have a period
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
