I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
