My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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