I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
