Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My ass is underappreciated
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
