And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
