She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you had me at cake vodka
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
