I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
