I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You have to summon your inner elephant
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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