mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
