Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
